Feelings of fondness and admiration can be strengthened by showing appreciation and gratitude for your partner. They don’t have to be grand gestures. Instead, focus on the little things your partner does right throughout the day. When you see your partner taking out the trash, do you let them know you’re grateful for them? After a busy day, thank your partner for running those errands you weren’t able to get to.
It’s easy to notice the things your partner is doing wrong, but it’s just as easy to notice the things your partner is doing right. According to Gottman, “Unhappily married couples tend to notice only half of the positive interactions that actually occurred”. This means even if your partner is doing something right, you may not be noticing it. Which do you tend to focus on?
If you are struggling with feelings of fondness and admiration for your partner, here are a couple of questions to reflect upon:
Resources: PhD, G. J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert (Revised ed.). Harmony.